Seventeen Years in the Making
by Vallygirl
Summary: Mike Logan and Dr. Liz Olivet. A secret is revealed about Liz in court and Mike Logan slowly begins to realize what is missing from his life.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Seventeen Years in the Making

Couple: Det. Mike Logan and Dr. Liz Olivet

Summary: A secret is revealed about Liz in court and Mike Logan slowly begins to realize what is missing from his life.

Disclaimer: Nope don't own L&O or L&O: CI or the characters from the show. I'm just taking them out for a little spin is all.

Spoilers: I'm fudging the timeline a bit here. In the L&O universe it takes place during "Betrayal" but in the L&O: CI universe it takes place just before "10 Count".

At times the all characters will definitely not be canon and have out of character moments. Liz is a bit more emotional than we've seen her on the show but if any man could push a reasonable woman like Dr. Olivet over the edge it would be our Mike. Mike will also have moments that will be out of character for him but I do think in a way things have been building up to these moments, especially considering what happened in his last three episodes.

Also, I know Liz was pregnant on the original show once but in "To the Bone" Mike is looking at a photo of Liz with two girls. I don't remember the whole back story of her children (if they ever did one actually) so I'm going to make the girls twins and I'm not sure of the age from the show so in my story they are about 10 years old. Also I know there was a man in the photo but I'm not going to include him in the story (aww fan fiction is a wonderful thing :D).

Part 1

Mike Logan stormed through the halls of the District Attorney office. He was on the hunt for a certain DA by the name of Jack McCoy. It hadn't taken long for the gossip to travel about what happened in court today and that Dr. Elizabeth Olivet had been offered up like a sacrificial lamb.

His head turned when he heard the man in question voice drift out from the office of that new kid who took over for McCoy when he stepped into DA spot. Not bothering to knock he pushed the door opened to find Jack standing right in front of him.

"Logan, what are you doing here?" asked the older man.

"This," he responded as he pulled back and his fist collided with Jack's chin, spinning him backwards onto the floor. "That was for Liz you sanctimonious son of a bitch!"

"Hey," Cutter shouted as he grabbed Logan and yanked him away from his boss, "Connie call security."

"Don't bother, I'm leaving." Logan huffed as he pulled his arm away from the other man.

Connie and Cutter watched as Mike Logan walked out and push past the audience that had gathered at the door during the commotion.

"Let me guess, he's the cop Olivet had an affair with," Cutter mused as he helped his boss stand up. "I would have figured her to have better taste."

"I can see why," Connie mused as she examined the bruise on Jack's chin. "Do you need to see a doctor?"

"I'm fine," Jack reassured them as he straightened his tie.

"I'll have them pick Logan up for assault," Cutter said has he picked up the phone.

"That won't be necessary, I'll talk to his captain about him submitting a formal apology."

"Jack, he should be brought up on charges," Cutter argued.

McCoy shrugged his shoulders as he sat down.

"Maybe you feel like you somewhat deserved it for what you had Michael do to Liz today in court," Connie surmised.

"I still say you should press charges," Cutter said as he leaned against his desk before turning his attention to Connie. "Seriously, you find that jerk attractive?"

Connie couldn't help blushing slightly at the two men as she answered the question, "well yeah, I mean come one he's tall, dark and handsome. Plus he has that whole 'I'm broken' thing going on."

"I'm broken?" Cutter repeated in confusion.

Jack snorted in amusement, "Connie, half the women in this building have had a hand in trying to 'fix' Mike Logan."

"I never said the man wasn't a dog," Connie conceded before wondering out loud. "I wonder what Liz will say when she finds out about what just happened."

***

Mike sighed as he sat down at his desk. He didn't need to be a mind reader to know what was about to happen to him. He just wasn't crazy about the idea of being stuck back on Staten Island again. He looked up as his partner strolled over.

"I finished going through the tapes," Wheeler said as she sat down, she looked at her partner in concern as she saw how pale he was. "How did your errand go?"

Logan looked up and gave her that trademark grin of his. "Great."

The partners worked in silence but both looked up when they heard murmuring in the bullpen. Logan winced when he saw the reason for the commotion walk by and into Ross's office.

"I wonder what Jack McCoy is here for." Wheeler said as she turned around to face her partner.

"Trust me you don't want to know." Logan assured his partner wearily.

Megan looked at the older detective questioningly but didn't get a chance to ask him what he meant when an older woman came into the squad and she heard Logan swear softly to himself.

"Miss, may I help you?" Wheeler asked as the woman stopped at their adjoining desks.

"You Neanderthal jack ass! Who do you think you are?!" Liz Olivet shouted.

Mike stood up and tried to grab her by the arm. "Liz let's go talk about this in private."

"It's a little late to talk about in private. It's all over the DA office and the courthouse that Mike Logan decked Jack McCoy in my honor!" She shouted as she poked Mike in the chest.

"You hit the District Attorney?!" Wheeler cried in shock.

Mike sighed as he turned his head to look at his partner and held his hand up. "Wheeler, please I can only deal with one hysterical woman at a time."

Liz glared at the man in front of her. "Hysterical! I'm not hysterical you ape! I'm angry, actually I'm pissed off! First Jack betrays my confidence today by having Cutter ask me about sleeping with a cop I was counseling after his partner was killed and then you basically take out an ad in the Times announcing you are the damn cop by attacking Jack! I have every reason to be angry!"

"Well what the Hell do you want from me Liz? What McCoy did to you today was cheap and he deserved it." Mike argued.

Liz huffed as she turned away from Mike. "It's none of your damn business! You have no right acting on my behalf!"

"Too bad, I can't just stand by while the woman I love is being crucified!" Mike shouted in frustration.

Mike froze as he realized what he had just said. He watched as Liz's back stiffened and tentatively he reached out to touch her should as he whispered her name.

"Don't." She hissed as she slapped his hand away before turning around to face him. "Seventeen years. Seventeen years and this is how you tell me."

"Liz, I'm sor..." Mike started to apologize only to have Liz cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it," she said as shook her head. "Just stay away from me Mike. There is nothing left to say."

Logan watched as Liz turned and headed out of the squad room. Sighing he looked back to see Wheeler staring at him. Putting both hands on his desk he closed his eyes while taking a deep breath.

Megan swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched her partner. She had never seen him look so vulnerable or defeated before, not even after the fight at the fire house on their second case. Truth be told it scared her to see him this way because suddenly Mike Logan seemed as human as the rest of them. She tried to think of something to say when she saw Liz come rushing back into the squad room and stand before her partner.

The red headed detective would never forget what happened next as the older woman reached up, cupped her partner's cheeks and brought his head down for a searing kiss. When they finally parted she heard Liz say in a choke whisper 'you are such an idiot' before turning and walking away.

Mike let out a shaky breath as he sat down across from Wheeler. He slowly turned his chair around to face his partner. "So was there anything on the tapes?" He asked as he picked up the file in front of him.

"Umm, no there wasn't anything that we could use." Megan answered. She started to ask Mike if he wanted to talk when Captain Ross's door opened.

"Logan a minute," the captain said as he held the door open for the other man to join them.

"Great, Staten Island here I come." Mike mumbled as he got up and walked into his captain's office.

***

Mike stepped into Ross's office and saw his captain behind his desk while Jack stood looking out the window.

"Logan, District Attorney McCoy has agreed that if you issue a formal apology that he will not press assault charges against you."

"You expect me to apologize after what you did to Liz today." Mike snorted in disgust.

McCoy turned to face the other man and nodded his head. "Apology accepted," Jack announced as he and Logan shared a look of understanding.

"Jack," Ross said as he watched the two men in his office.

"I said the apology Detective Logan just made was acceptable. Now if you will excuse me I have a meeting in half an hour." Jack said as he started towards the door but stopped to stand in front of Mike, his trademark grin on his face. "So what do you think Lenny would say if he was here?"

Mike couldn't help but return the other man's grin as he thought about his old friend and partner, "Smooth Mikey, real smooth."

Jack chuckled as he slapped Mike on the shoulder before exiting Ross's office. Once the door was closed Logan looked at his captain, bracing himself for the new asshole he was sure the other man was preparing to rip him.

"Well Logan, I guess occasionally the luck of the Irish does shine down on you." Ross said as he sat down. "Take the rest of the day, we'll see you tomorrow."

"I don't need to take time. Wheeler and I are working on…"

"That wasn't a suggestion Logan, it was an order." Ross said as he cut Mike off.

"Fine," he said as he shook his head in disgust before storming out of his captain's office. Stopping at his desk he grabbed his suit jacket. "I'm out of here Wheeler, I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're leaving?" She asked in surprised.

"Yeah," he huffed as he looked over and saw he had an audience and snapped. "What the hell are you looking at Campesi?!"

The female detective in question quickly turned her attention to a report on her desk as Mike started to walk through the bullpen, his partner hot on his heels.

"Logan," Megan said as she grabbed him by the sleeve and steered him towards conference room.

"What Wheeler?" Logan asked in annoyance.

She looked at him, concern in her eyes. "Staten Island?"

"It's all set," he reassured her before adding with a wink. "So you're stuck with me partner."

Megan smiled in relief. "That's good."

Mike watched as his partner shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her hands in her back pockets as she took a deep breath and her cheeks puffing out as she released the breath. "Oh for crying out loud Wheeler, if you got something to say just say it before you have an aneurysm."

Megan nodded her head towards the chairs at the table and joined Mike as he sat down. Giving her partner a tight smile she blurted out, "you have to go to her Mike and tell her how you feel."

Logan stood up quickly. "We are not having this conversation Wheeler."

His partner got up and blocked his way. "Please Mike, I wouldn't be saying anything if I didn't care."

Sighing he stared at his partner before finally saying. "Two minutes, you've got two minutes to speak your mind."

Sitting back down Megan fidgeted with and invisible thread on the hem of her shirt. Looking back up into her partner's eyes she smiled as she tentatively began to speak. "It's just Logan, don't you think you're a bit…" she paused as she tried to find the right words, "on the mature side to still be picking up a different girl every other night of the week."

"A different girl every other night of the week, come on Wheeler that pushing it. I might date my fair share of women but let's not exaggerate."

"Women," Wheeler snorted at her partner. "Logan you took home a twenty-three year old receptionist who clearly had daddy issues last Tuesday night. I kept waiting for a call that you had a coronary while having sex."

"Hey!" He shouted indignantly.

"Don't give me that look, I see how you eat. You're a bypass waiting to happen." She argued, letting herself get sidetracked. "I mean if you don't think that you're going to get a lecture next week when you go in for that colonoscopy you're kid..." Wheeler stopped in mid sentence and gulped when she saw the look in her partner's eyes.

Smiling shyly Megan reached into her pocket, pulling out a sheet of paper and slid it towards him. "I forgot to tell you that your doctor's office called earlier to remind you about your appointment and to remind you to drink both bottles, don't eat any solid foods, no red jell-o and no alcohol for the 24 hours before your procedure."

Logan glared at his partner as he snatched the paper from her. "Your two minutes are up."

Wheeler shook her head, "I still have a minute left and you said I could say whatever was on my mind."

"Fine, one minute." He conceded angrily.

"You've been in love with this woman for seventeen years and obviously she has some sort of feelings for you. If she didn't she wouldn't have kissed you like she did. I find it hard to believe that you really don't want to be with somebody who you could share your life with."

Mike's anger slowly dissipated as Wheeler's words sank in and he said softly, "You don't know our history."

"You're right I don't know your history. That is between you and Liz. Are you really not going to at least try and see where this could take you? Are you that much of coward that you can't put yourself out there like the rest of us?" She asked.

Mike cocked his eyebrow at her last remark. "The last time I put myself out there the lady killed herself."

Megan nodded her head slowly in understanding. "I know you had feelings for Holly and unfortunately you will never know where things might have lead between you both. But Logan, Liz is here and you have a chance to make something good with her. Don't throw it away because partner I don't' think she's going to give you another seventeen years to make your move."

Mike gave his partner a sideward glance before turning his attention towards the bullpen. "I see why Ross wants me to take off nobody is doing a damn thing out there. They're all watching us in here." He said as he stood up.

"You should go," Megan agreed as she joined him.

"I really should give them something to talk about and kiss you." He told her with his best devilish grin.

"Do it and you'll be walking funny going in for your colonoscopy," she shot back before adding. "Just think about what we've just talked about, ok."

He nodded his head slightly as he opened the door for her. She didn't say anything else she knew that he would think about what she had said to him. She watched as he continued out of the squad room, glaring at anyone who dared to make direct eye contact.

Mike turned as he walked out of the Major Case squad and saw his partner talking to their captain. He couldn't help chuckling to himself. Mike Logan getting romantic advice from the kid, there was something definitely wrong with that. No matter how strange it was one thing kept gnawing at him, was he really a coward?


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Mike Logan stood looking at the door in front of him like it was a something from out of space. He had gone home and tried to lose himself in a rerun of M*A*S*H* but all he could think about was what Wheeler had asked him. Was he a coward?

After downing three beers he decided he wasn't a coward and headed over to confront the one person who knew him better than anyone else. Well maybe he was a little bit of a coward because he had to stop once to have another beer.

Now he stared at the door to her apartment and had an internal argument with himself on why he should or shouldn't ring her doorbell. The decision was made for him when he heard several footsteps coming down the hall.

Turning he saw Liz walking straight towards him while two young girls were yelling at each other that it was their turn with some electronic toy. The two girls stopped arguing when they heard their mother gasped in shock at the visitor standing at their door.

"Detective Logan, what are you doing here?" Liz asked as she recovered quickly from her shock.

"Are you a real detective?" Both girls asked at once.

"Yup," he told them with a grin.

"Can we see your badge?" The one holding the game asked.

Mike reached into his pocket and pulled out his shield. "Here you go."

"Cool!" Both girls chimed as they looked at the badge. "Can we see your gun?"

"Girls, give Detective Logan back his badge." Liz said as she opened the door to their home. "Go set the table and then finish your homework. Dinner will be ready soon."

Mike took his badge back while reaching into his other pocket and pulling out his handcuffs. "Sorry guns aren't for show and tell but you can check out the cuffs."

Taking the cuffs the girls hurried inside. Mike smiled as he watched them and called out. "Don't put them on cuz I don't have a key with me."

Liz shook her head as she walked past him. "Handcuffs are not appropriate toys for children."

"Kids love them." He argued as he followed her inside.

Sighing Liz turned around. "What are you doing here Mike. I told you to stay away."

"I came to apologize."

Liz watched him for several seconds before saying. "You can apologize while I make dinner."

Mike followed her into the kitchen. "Look, I'm sorry that I made things worse for you today by going after Jack. I didn't think about how my actions would affect you and I'm sorry about that."

"But you're not sorry that you hit Jack are you?" She asked as she began to chop several peppers and onions she took out of basket on the counter.

"Are you going to be pissed if I say Hell no?" He asked as he took off his jacket and rolled up his shirtsleeves. "Here let me do that."

Liz handed Mike the knife she was using before reaching up to pull down a large pan and filling it with water for boiling. Walking around him she pulled out a package of sausages from the refrigerator and began to slice them. They continued to work in silence before she finally said. "If I have to be honest then the answer is no because you did the one thing I wanted to do but didn't."

Mike grinned, "I always knew you had a mean streak Doc."

Liz looked over at Mike. "Look I accept your apology, you can leave."

"These are done, do you want them sautéed?" He asked as he ignored her request.

Sighing Liz reached down and pulled out a pan. "Olive oil is in the left hand cabinet over the stove."

Mike fired up the stove as he poured some oil into the pan to heat up. He noticed garlic bulbs in the baskets the other vegetables were in. Quickly he peeled and chopped two to toss into the oil before adding everything else.

Liz watched Mike as he worked. "I didn't know you like to cook."

"Gotta eat and take out gets old pretty fast." He explained.

"Right, of course it does." She agreed as she handed him the sausages to add to the vegetables before she added ziti to the boiling water. A smile played at her lips as she watched him and she shook her head at what she was about to do. "Girls, make sure you set a place for Detective Logan."

"Dinner?" he asked with a grin.

"Well you did help prepare it. It's only fair you stay to share it with us." She told him as she grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses, "wine?"

"Thanks," he said as he accepted the wine while he continued to stir the contents in the pan. Taking a deep breath he glanced sideways to see Liz watching him. "Maybe we should talk about the other thing that happened in the station."

Liz took a sip of her wine as she replayed Mike's confession over again in her head. "I don't think I can talk about that right now." She finally said.

Mike looked at her, his disappointment written on his face. "Oh."

"Dinner will be ready soon. I don't think we should start that discussion before we sit down with my daughters." She explained before adding hopefully. "But maybe we could talk about it after they go to bed."

"I'd like that." Mike reassured her.

"Good." Liz said as she smiled gratefully while secretly hoping she could make it through the meal without her daughters noticing her nervousness about their dinner companion.

***

Liz should have known better than to worry. Her daughters were no different than any other females and were completely charmed by Mike before they had gotten to dessert.

Mike surprised Liz as she study the way he interacted with her daughters. Maggie; her little tom-boy, was obviously the first one he connected with as they discussed the Yankees chances this season and the Giants surprise Superbowl win.

And just when she was afraid that Molly; her always proper young lady, was going to feel completely left out Mike used his detective skills to coquets out of the girl her love of horses. To which he regaled them with stories about his short time in the New York Mounted Police division and even asked if they would like a tour of the stables.

She couldn't help smiling as she watched Mike with her daughters, the way he actually listened to them as they talked and then joined them when they begged him to play that silly bowling video game.

Mike's arms shot up in victory as their scores were revealed. "Yeah baby!"

"One more game," Maggie begged.

"Please!" Molly chimed in.

"You two really want to be beaten five times in a row?" He teased as he sat down on the coach while the twins sat down on either side of him.

"One of us might beat you." Maggie argued.

Liz shook her head as she stood before them. "Not tonight you won't. Bed time, so say good night to Mike, go put on your pajamas and brush your teeth. I'll been in to say good night to you girls."

"Good night Mike," they both said as they each leaned over and gave him a quick hug before jumping up off the couch and heading into their room.

"Good night," he called out.

Liz smiled as she turned her attention back to Mike. "Just give me a few minutes to make sure they're all set and then we can talk."

"Sure, no problem," he told her as he stood up. "Do you want some more wine?"

"That would be nice, thank you." She said as she turned and started down the hall towards her daughters' room.

Walking back into the kitchen Mike refilled their wine glasses and carried them back into the living room. His anxiety got the better of him as he looked around the room waiting for her to return. Noticing the mess from the game still lying on the floor he shrugged his shoulders as he went about collecting the game cartridges and remotes.

Liz stopped in her tracks as she came back into the room. "You don't need to do that." She insisted as she hurried over to finish putting everything away.

"It's no problem," he told her before returning to his seat on the couch. Leaning over he picked up their wine glasses and passed Liz hers when she came and joined him.

Sighing Mike looked down at his glass as he tried to compose what he was about to say to the woman next to him. "I'm sorry about saying **_that_** to you today."

Liz shook her head as she laughed sadly. "Of course, I knew you regretted saying it as soon as it came out of your mouth."

Reaching out Mike placed his hand over Liz's. "You're right I did regret it. I regretted how I told you because you deserved better than to hear me say that I…" he stopped in mid sentence as he closed eyes for a brief second trying to calm his nerves before continuing. "That I love you in front of a room full of cops. I don't regret saying it Liz, I regret how I said it."

"Oh," Liz said as her brain tried to process what Mike had just confessed to her.

Clearing his throat he asked the question he dreaded most since it made him feel completely vulnerable. "Do you…I mean am I the only one who feels…" his stammering was cut off as Liz reached over and placed two fingers over his lips.

"I can't remember a time I haven't been in love with you Mike," she reassured him. "Even when you hurt me, I still loved you."

Mike ducked his head in shame as he remembered what he had done to her all those years ago. "I'm so sorry about that Liz. I could offer you a million excuses but the truth is that I was a huge asshole back then. Actually I was a jerk who felt entitled to sleep around as much as I liked, not caring who I hurt."

"I thought it was my fault, that I didn't satisfy you in bed." Liz confessed embarrassed at how self conscious she was during their brief affair.

"Never," Mike reassured her. "Liz you were the best thing to ever happen to me, I was just too stupid to realize it until it was too late."

"It wasn't completely your fault Mike. I didn't make things easy for you back then. I wanted to make you into somebody you weren't." She confessed. "I know that hurt you that I made you feel you weren't good enough."

"Nothing excuses my cheating on you Liz." Mike insisted. "You want to know how pathetic I am. The day I realized that it was you I wanted was the day I realized I didn't deserve you because I had failed you." He explained sullenly.

Liz looked at him in confusion. "Failed me, what do you mean?"

Mike turned his head slightly as he averted her gaze. "That day…at the hospital…when I came into the room…that's when it hit me that you were the one. None of that mattered though because how could I go to you when I was the reason you were raped."

"Mike," Liz said softly as she scooted closer to him. Reaching out she gently took his hands into hers, urging him to look at her. "How could you think that?"

Her heart broke as he finally looked up and she saw the anguish in his eyes as he fought back the tears that threatened to spill.

"Because it's true," he cried. "I should have closed the case. I shouldn't have backed down. I knew we were on the right tract but I let Don and Stone…God forgive me Liz but I didn't fight hard enough for you. If I had fought them harder, fought to run with my gut instinct then you wouldn't have gone back that day. You wouldn't have been raped."

She reached up to cup his cheek brushing away his tears with her thumb. "It wasn't you fault Mike. I made the decision to go after Merritt because of what he did to Diane Perkins. None of that matters though because the only one responsible for my rape was that bastard Merritt."

Mike shook his head in disagreement. "I knew what he was capable of. I saw the pictures from his wife suicide. I should have…"

"Stop it!" Liz begged. "You can beat yourself up all you want for being a jerk and cheating on me but I'll be damned if I'm going to let you continue to carry the blame for my rape because it wasn't your fault."

"I wish I could believe you," he told her.

"Then do Mike because it's the truth." She said as she stoked his cheek.

"I should have protected you," he argued.

"How?" she asked tenderly.

"I don't know," he admitted despondently.

"Because you couldn't," she reasoned. "I know that isn't what you want to hear but it's the truth. You couldn't have prevented my rape Mike."

"Do you know how badly I wanted to hold you when it happened?" he asked.

"There's no time limit, you could still hold me," she urged.

Mike didn't need any further encouragement as he pulled Liz to him and gathered her in his arms. Gradually he reclined back as he held her close. "Where do we go from here?"

Liz lifted her head so that she could look him in the eyes. "I don't know Mike. I wish I could tell you that we could just pick up where we left off but we can't. So much has happened and I have my daughters to think about."

"Right," he conceded unhappily as he pulled his gaze from hers and turned his attention towards the window across from them.

"All I know is that I don't want to lose you again. I know I'm not ready for us to become lovers yet but I would like for us to become friends. I would like it if we could spend time together…the four of us spend time together. Take things slow and see where it leads us." She told him hopefully.

A faint smile graced his lips as he turned his attention back to her. "I can do slow. Believe it or not, my patients has gotten better as I've gotten older."

Liz chuckled, "I think I'm going to like getting to know the more mature version of Mike Logan."

"I hope so," he told her as leaned forward and kissed her forehead, "because I'm not going anywhere."

Sighing Liz closed her eyes as she rested her head on his chest, listen to his heartbeat. "I think I can live with that," she murmured as they both gradually fell asleep.


End file.
